Monday, September 10, 2007

Smalltown Weddings vs. Big City Weddings

I left Smalltown this weekend to go to a wedding. It was one of the only weddings I have attended that was beyond a 25 mile-radius of Smalltown, and did not start with a mass at Smalltown Church and end with a reception at the Smalltown community center/reception hall/intramural sports facility.

This was a “sophisticated, city folks” wedding. I had to drive over an hour to get there and after I did, I noticed some distinct differences between weddings “out in the country” and those in the Big City:

10. The groom was smiling all day and the bride didn’t look like a deer caught in the headlights.

9. After the church service, the bridal party did not ride through town on a tractor-pulled hay wagon.

8, The bride and groom did not go to a bar before showing up late to the reception

7. At the reception near the card/gift table, there was no sign informing attendees that “in lieu of thank you notes” the money that would have been wasted on cards, envelopes and stamps will be donated to an unnamed “local charity.”

6. They didn't once play songs like “Find Me A Redneck Girl”

5. There was a toast; it involved real sentences with subjects, verbs and some adjectives and lasted more than a half a minute.

4. There wasn’t a fight in the parking lot after the reception was over.

3. None of the bridesmaids flashed anyone – even as the night wore on.

2. No men relieved themselves outside on the side of the building.

1. The bride and groom didn't have their OWN children play the parts of flower girl and ring bearer.


trish said...

You forgot one:
- the attendees didn't spend the night making trips out to the parking lot to take pulls off a bottle of Boon's Farm.